Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
