Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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