just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
