and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
