I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
