Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
