you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
