My liver just broke up with me...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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