I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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