I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize