Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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