I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i think my cat just said my name.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
