I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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