just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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