i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
