i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
