I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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