why didn't you poke me back
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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