the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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