Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
