Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
