whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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