you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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