can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
