We won't sleep together?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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