Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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