Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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