Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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