dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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