Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
