Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize