my vag is so smooth its legendary
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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