i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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