the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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