We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
