My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
