So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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