My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
