C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
