I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize