barbara walters just said penis...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
