Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
try to milk me bitch
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
