what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
