Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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