Can i not drive my cunt home
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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