Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
