she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
