I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
