I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
