Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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