Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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