i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
