Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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