Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
