I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
