my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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