I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
pray to the hookup gods
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
