Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
