we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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