he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
