So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
