why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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