Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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