He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
